I Feel Like a Fraud
I admit it’s been a while since I’ve taken undergraduate classes. After earning my Bachelor’s degree, I was lucky enough to start working right away. But now, having spent some years in the workforce, I find myself starting my second semester of graduate school.
So why should you care? Well, when I was a student at EFSC and working on my A.A. degree, I had zero expectations about earning anything higher than a Bachelor’s. Graduate school was nowhere on my radar.
That’s not the part that matters, really. Everyone’s journey is different, and sometimes we take unexpected twists and turns. What does matter are the emotions I’m now experiencing, which are the same ones I experienced when I took those very first college classes as an undergrad.
You might be wondering why I would feel those things if I’ve already earned a degree. I’m quickly learning that grad classes are very different from undergrad classes. Because of that, I’ve had to learn how to manage my emotions and expectations all over again.
The biggest thing I’m dealing with right now is something you might also be feeling, and that’s self-doubt. Why me? Am I good enough to be working on this degree? Am I smart enough to be here? Why do I feel like a fraud? Maybe I don’t belong.
If you’re having thoughts like that as you navigate college, you’re not alone. In fact, fear of being exposed as a fraud is a real thing. It’s called impostor syndrome. I learned a lot about this phenomenon in my first graduate class (it’s actually really common among grad students), but the thing is, I also felt it when I first started at EFSC — especially since I wasn’t going away to college.
And you know what the crazy thing is? I feel it even though I earned an A last semester, and I have a good grade again this semester! Where does that come from? Perhaps it’s the pressure I put on myself to achieve. It’s hard to say exactly.
What I do know is that the longer I let that feeling fester, the worse I felt. I really stressed myself out, and I seriously thought about giving up on my class. But those who know me will tell you that I don’t give up easily. It was hard to figure out how to handle my emotions around others not going through the same thing. Sure, I know plenty of people who have been through it before — but having gone through feeling like an impostor is different from currently feeling like one.
There was only one person I felt I could go to with my troubles, and that was my professor. So I set up a meeting to talk to him about how I was feeling, the concerns I had about finishing the class and what I should do moving forward. Now I kind of have to laugh at myself. I set up a meeting because I was concerned about my performance in class…even though I currently have an A. Insert forehead slap emoji here!
But my professor explained that what I’m feeling is not unusual. His response was simple, yet solid: “If you’ve made it this far, you already have the smarts. You are smart enough. Now it is just about persistence. Be persistent, and you can accomplish anything.”
What a relief! After I met with him, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I might have known those things in the back of my mind, but sometimes you just need validation to remind yourself that you’re enough and you can do it.
College advisors and instructors want you to succeed, but they don’t know how to help you unless you talk to them. College is not easy, and you will have to work hard — but I’ve found that when I’m struggling with how to handle my emotions about class, the best thing to do is speak up. And if you feel like you’re struggling with course content (even if you have a solid grade in class), you can always take advantage of free tutoring and other types of academic support at EFSC to help boost your confidence!
Whether you’re just beginning the college application process or getting ready to start new college classes (and feel like a fraud), know that you belong. You are wanted. You are smart enough. So get to it!
- It’s a Sign: ASL at EFSC - August 10, 2022
- Want To Plan Events for a Living? - June 15, 2022
- Building the Bridge to Success - February 9, 2022
